in Opinion | 01 JUN 10
Featured in
Issue 132

From the Mailbox

At frieze we receive hundreds of emails every day from artists, galleries and public relations companies around the world. We would like to share some excerpts with you. Names have been blocked out to protect the guilty. But they know who they are.

in Opinion | 01 JUN 10

• Hi! I am looking after a Taiwanese artist whose work protests against global warming. He will be doing an installation piece where he will be hanging two penguins and two polar bears from London’s Millennium Bridge. Effectively, they’re committing suicide as an act of protest against global warming. I look forward to hearing from you!

• Dear Sirs. Here is some of my work. Please publish the photographs.

• Hello! My name is XXX XXXX, I am an architect and teacher practicing in Paris (FR) and Brussels (B). I wish to suggest you for publishing a new project for a tennis centre built entirely with wood, in Sweden.

• Hi. One of our artists, XXXXXX, is literally going to bring London to a standstill next weekend with the installation of ten enormous tree stumps in Trafalgar Square.

• Howdy Gang! If you’re having rotten weather problems, if you’ve met a soul-stripper, if your life isn’t as cool as you wish or simply if you wanna hang out with cool people in a great vibe, there’s only one place to go to tonight: the XXXX!

• Hey! Thought I would share a growing trend with you – it’s really starting to take off – and fast! The ‘Secret Wars’ concept is one that has come out of the UK and has spread almost virally around the globe landing right here in Australia. It threatens to make art an edgy form of entertainment for the masses, boasting a sport-like appeal. Gifted artists are almost reminiscent of sporting rivals – they are aggressive and purposeful in their strokes, racing against the clock to create a hastily produced masterpiece. Who would have thought that an artist painting in real time could actually be a spectacle to pack out an Australian pub every time the whistle calls play?

• Had a gander at the magazine, very nice, very nice indeed, but where’s your poetry? I don’t mean tweed jacket couplets and florid verse – I mean someone howling in the wind! Here’s a couple of ‘poms’ of mine from a forthcoming collection of work – do what you will with them, they were written any way. Thank you for your time.
hashish dream of endless /confession / my bohemia! / meat eating streets draped in neon and maggots (etc. Ed.)

• Dear Sir/Madam, I’m enquiring about possible work with your company and maybe possible representation. I perform as a Jack Sparrow look-a-like as well as a Johnny Depp impersonator. If you’re interested please don’t hesitate to contact me!

• To whom of the editors could I send my proposal? I have already been writing and publishing on the subject. Art and science is becoming a big hit here in the Benelux – that could be of interest for frieze?

• Hello! Antarctica is the latest manifestation of a long-term performance painting project, in which XXX investigates how the conditions of creation find expression in works of art. XXX became the first artist to paint in zero gravity, a feat accomplished in parabolic flight over Moscow. During these flights he completed two triptychs inspired by Francis Bacon under weightless conditions.

• Dear Art Forum, My name is XXXXXX XXX, I am an artist from London and I would love to be featured in your magazine. I am currently embarking upon a change in career with much gusto, imagination and patience. However, I am in need of exposure to really get going in order for me to rise to become celebrated as the world’s greatest living artist, an ambition I am totally confident I will achieve.

• Dear Editor, I’m an outstanding photographer. May I invite you to my private view? Also, may I work for your magazine?

• Dear Sir/Madam, XXX XXX is an Italian beauty, aesthete and artist. His very glamorous paintings, self-portrait photographs, designs and music projects are inspired by his aesthetic parents and the beautiful gardens and villas they had in Bangkok, Varese, Marbella and his current home in Hampstead. His symbol is the Dragon and his favourite colour is purple. His pseudonym, art name and pen name is XXXXXX. In 2009 XXXXXX began to work as a photographic fashion model with his luminous, finely etched brunette Italian and Thai looks.

• Hello Romulans! On April 14, I will be at XXXXXX to discuss why I do the stupid art ‘thangs’ that I do and/or ask those in attendance to validate my eccentricity with their own opinions!!! But, it’s also MY BIRTHDAY!!! And YOU are invited!!! How about that?!!! OMG! So, please come on by and celebrate the outrageously huge picture of me in my birthday suit ... on my birthday!!! Seriously – how cool is that?

• Dear frieze. What I feel is important about my work is that it changes the naive certainty that the universe is finite, into an eternal mystery, for now we can say that the universe may be infinite, but we can never know for sure whether it is or not – the ultimate nature of the universe may thus be unfathomable. If the Mona Lisa is famous for the mystery of her smile, this painting expresses the greatest mystery of all time.

• Dear Sir. An ambidextrous artist who paints the great Masters hanging in a gallery setting with his right hand, whilst painting with the 2D simplicity of a child with his left, is enjoying a nationwide tour of his brand new body of work entitled ‘Art’. If you would like to interview XXX, or would like further images, please do give me a call!

• Hello. First of all I am so sorry if my question is unpolite or I just waste your time, but it is very important to me otherwise I wouldn’t dare to ask. I am looking for contact with Kathryn Bigelow. I just want ask her something about art pictures and making movie. If someone could be so kind to help me? I want start my own movie based on some story and just wanted ask something. Thank you.